If you do not
Introduction
If you do not … …
From small to large, I have many times in my thoughts flying in to do such an assumption. As a child you have given me so much joy and happiness, then do the assumption that, I will hurt small heart will be did not really seem to fall into the hands of your great fear, from the imagination back to reality when very fortunate To think: Fortunately, you have. Later, you gave me so much grief and pain, do you assume that if there is no will from the power of the imaginary find a ray of happy, you do not often think how good, so I will be someone else’s daughter, he will accompany I grew up watching me put on Jiayi … …
A number of years later I learned that you are a rattan on the flowers, fruit I am, my life from you in full bloom, it will not do anything from this assumption. Because finally know that if you do not, it is impossible to have my existence.
1
Enron often as a child to enjoy your good care of you, eat you burn the rice to wash the clothes you wear, you are under the comb YY Xiao Bianzai to the school, watching the meter eighty you more than I was the big man Xiao Pihai support makes such a round. Mom used to say: “You must sooner or later it spoiled daughter!” Well, you smiled, his white teeth you have, then I continue to follow the instructions in the burning inside eggplant plus chocolate sauce, cooked in milk in salt In another painting on the refrigerator door Tuzhao a tongue of dog.
I am 6 years old the day, you’re sitting on the sofa watching TV, I in your side I am playing with the doll, all of a sudden you go in front of very seriously, said: “I grew up on you and your mother divorced. “Your line of sight from the game on TV and I moved to the Runescape Money of seriously asked:” Why? “I say solemnly:” I want to marry you. “Lengzheng the moment after you place a serious head said: “Good.” And then I saw your side literally laughed from the side of the sofa fell to the floor. At that time, I put you as a radical reaction after listening to my commitment to happy, after all, I love you so I love you so, the television said that only people in love can get married.
Think that time: With the very kind of you!
2
You have found in my mind that 10-year-old, primary school grade 4. After final exams, I Miyoshi students Xianbao certificate in front of you like to Huang Huang, you are indifferent iQue Tai Xu. When I smell the food Jiaowei when you are at risk of smoking pot dishes held cobras in a daze, you Meixinmofei not smile, no longer have the patience to listen to my command, you are not even in Bansubansu Watch the match, you begin to shave like the look in the mirror and even tie.
You start early in the morning to late at the back to the mother complained: “Why do so many people from your school you with the graduating class-ah!” Low voice quarrel Xu Yan from the door you can be spread to my ear, I started worried Disturbed, the eyes were red and his mother started to work.
That day I finally removed the courage to cover your face in your newspaper, said: “Dad, how do you, you changed.” You looked at me when there is a ray eyes flash panic, as you deliberately cover up What Side, said: “Baby, today is your birthday, 10 years old, I went to do a good job you eat.”
Mom bought a cake to go home when you burn a dish on the table also had red wine, then everything is natural, it seems that little will change. When you habitually Jia Cai when her mother went up to the cold mother’s words: “Thank you, I have to.” Stiff in the hands of your mother’s Wanbian, then I do not know that you are an agreement a few days Divorce, and divorce is the only obstacle to me, I want you, my mother would like. I have so far not believe that divorce was because of your betrayal.
3
You have to leave home the day of my screen for a long time to be fixed in my memory: her mother sitting on the sofa staring eyes on television holding a remote control for a non-stop television, you and the beautiful aunt in to clean up your Clothing. I am frightened to see all of this, can not think why this is? When you leave the mother sneered: “No one explained to the daughter?” I squatted in front of you, moved a few Adam’s apple, lips Tianle Tian difficult to say: “Baby, mother and I divorced, so I have to leave Here. “Her mother to stand up to their teeth, said:” is not to say, and too general. “My poor mother, finally no reason for them to maintain her demeanor.
Then I heard one I will never do not want to hear the story: You fall in love with the beautiful aunt, and mother abandon me. My brain has a blank moment, thinking of all the lines are broken. When you leave the closed awakened by the sound of me, I kind of crazy to go to the balcony, looking at the aunt’s hand-holding you step by step, to leave our home. I shouted hysterically: “Daddy, come back -” My mother hand over his mouth: “not allowed to invite his father, he do not deserve!” I bite through the mother’s hands to shout out loud then: “Dad , To come back - “then I have only one idea: to call you back. Mother’s hand finally falls on my face, sent a clear sound, I saw my mother, silent tears in her face with vertical and horizontal.
Since then, I hate you, swear that we will never forgive you.
4
I am not going to worry about, no longer love to laugh, loved are no longer playing with my dolls, my mind all the time you are circling the shadow of your love to take care of you even when you leave the Runescape Gold, I found that Not your day so I am not used to.
I often locked himself does not turn on the lights in the room, over and over again and again miss you, I hate to miss this, I swear I want to hate you, but can not control your miss. I feel really bad one, how can one miss you so bad, in order to punish their own, at my own arm and go on to bite hard.
Mom took me to see a doctor, the doctor said I had autism, my accomplishments plummeted. Mom and I started to say that divorce is not a matter of fact you are a person’s right or wrong, her heart and soul into the work of the neglected family ignored you, you also said that although the divorce, I am still your daughter, your love for me will not change . After listening to this, I sneer, the love will be willing to abandon it?
To see you leave your home after six months. That evening, after school, I Yan Yan to go home, see you sitting in the living room, her mother is on the left side, right side of that is beautiful aunt.
Since you came up to me and said some of the care I miss, I would look through a long, cold open your hands, I would like to end with the ice face to tell you how much I have ignored you. The beautiful aunt came up to me to squat, please: “I know you love your dad, you come to our home, and I would like your parents love you.” I looked at her Young pretty face and smiling face, fingers stretched hard to catch up. I heard her scream, looked at the nail Feng Li flesh and blood, my heart raised a ray of pleasure.
5
The middle school entering the first day I vowed to learn, I want you to know that you discard what is a good daughter.
In that year his mother married a police each other, caring for me, there is additional care. With shiny gradually looked at her mother’s face, my heart gradually calmed down, was grateful to the police, but his mouth still refuses to call his father out. In my mind, you can only be a father, even though you have given me so much damage.
Trauma is the best medicine, very good results and I won the respect of students and teachers prefer. I have you buried in the bottom of my heart turned into a scar as much as possible to let it covered with dust, forgotten in the corner of years.
In this way all the way through the days to come, after graduating from university I went to work in the bank. I thought my life is, I forgot you until the day my mother told me that you are ill, very serious and must do a surgery, but you have a wish, I would like to see. I was standing there, look at the rise of the sun in the sky, the sun stabbed my eyes, I have a liquid blurring of the line of sight.
6
I see you again when Dai Zhu, the bed, you do not thin the human form, how old it was the gray hair. I stretched out in front of your hands dry cried out: “Baby.”
All in all this sound familiar with the collapse of the call, the only way you asked me before I will not have a 20-year-old girl had. I have always thought that I hate you, but do not know, hate is still behind love ah, I have my head buried deep in your chest, Chung any warmth all over my body. I cried a woman crying for you: “how do you love him? How can you let him into this … …” cried a woman, her tears over the young no longer has the residual scratch my face.
You have been promoting the operating room when I tell you: “Dad, you have to get better, you should owe me for so many years of compensation for my father.” You say: “All right, baby.’s Will be.”
That’s my life’s most long 4 hours, I stared at Biaozhen-year degrees, such as. I have thought many times if you have not the case, but he did not know really have to face when you lose heart would be like this. Tears, I repeated a prayer: “I would rather you betrayed me, I would rather you hurt me, you are healthy and happy as long as I live.”
The operating room doors finally opened, the doctor held the hands of a few eggs the size of Liu Zi said: “Fortunately, no proliferation.”
I saw the sky dark clouds dispersed. Fortunately, you have made mistakes of the bad father, I still have a chance to punish you, to - love you.
If you do not … …
From small to large, I have many times in my thoughts flying in to do such an assumption. As a child you have given me so much joy and happiness, then do the assumption that, I will hurt small heart will be did not really seem to fall into the hands of your great fear, from the imagination back to reality when very fortunate To think: Fortunately, you have. Later, you gave me so much grief and pain, do you assume that if there is no will from the power of the imaginary find a ray of happy, you do not often think how good, so I will be someone else’s daughter, he will accompany I grew up watching me put on Jiayi … …
A number of years later I learned that you are a rattan on the flowers, fruit I am, my life from you in full bloom, it will not do anything from this assumption. Because finally know that if you do not, it is impossible to have my existence.
1
Enron often as a child to enjoy your good care of you, eat you burn the rice to wash the clothes you wear, you are under the comb YY Xiao Bianzai to the school, watching the meter eighty you more than I was the big man Xiao Pihai support makes such a round. Mom used to say: “You must sooner or later it spoiled daughter!” Well, you smiled, his white teeth you have, then I continue to follow the instructions in the burning inside eggplant plus chocolate sauce, cooked in milk in salt In another painting on the refrigerator door Tuzhao a tongue of dog.
I am 6 years old the day, you’re sitting on the sofa watching TV, I in your side I am playing with the doll, all of a sudden you go in front of very seriously, said: “I grew up on you and your mother divorced. “Your line of sight from the game on TV and I moved to the Runescape Money of seriously asked:” Why? “I say solemnly:” I want to marry you. “Lengzheng the moment after you place a serious head said: “Good.” And then I saw your side literally laughed from the side of the sofa fell to the floor. At that time, I put you as a radical reaction after listening to my commitment to happy, after all, I love you so I love you so, the television said that only people in love can get married.
Think that time: With the very kind of you!
2
You have found in my mind that 10-year-old, primary school grade 4. After final exams, I Miyoshi students Xianbao certificate in front of you like to Huang Huang, you are indifferent iQue Tai Xu. When I smell the food Jiaowei when you are at risk of smoking pot dishes held cobras in a daze, you Meixinmofei not smile, no longer have the patience to listen to my command, you are not even in Bansubansu Watch the match, you begin to shave like the look in the mirror and even tie.
You start early in the morning to late at the back to the mother complained: “Why do so many people from your school you with the graduating class-ah!” Low voice quarrel Xu Yan from the door you can be spread to my ear, I started worried Disturbed, the eyes were red and his mother started to work.
That day I finally removed the courage to cover your face in your newspaper, said: “Dad, how do you, you changed.” You looked at me when there is a ray eyes flash panic, as you deliberately cover up What Side, said: “Baby, today is your birthday, 10 years old, I went to do a good job you eat.”
Mom bought a cake to go home when you burn a dish on the table also had red wine, then everything is natural, it seems that little will change. When you habitually Jia Cai when her mother went up to the cold mother’s words: “Thank you, I have to.” Stiff in the hands of your mother’s Wanbian, then I do not know that you are an agreement a few days Divorce, and divorce is the only obstacle to me, I want you, my mother would like. I have so far not believe that divorce was because of your betrayal.
3
You have to leave home the day of my screen for a long time to be fixed in my memory: her mother sitting on the sofa staring eyes on television holding a remote control for a non-stop television, you and the beautiful aunt in to clean up your Clothing. I am frightened to see all of this, can not think why this is? When you leave the mother sneered: “No one explained to the daughter?” I squatted in front of you, moved a few Adam’s apple, lips Tianle Tian difficult to say: “Baby, mother and I divorced, so I have to leave Here. “Her mother to stand up to their teeth, said:” is not to say, and too general. “My poor mother, finally no reason for them to maintain her demeanor.
Then I heard one I will never do not want to hear the story: You fall in love with the beautiful aunt, and mother abandon me. My brain has a blank moment, thinking of all the lines are broken. When you leave the closed awakened by the sound of me, I kind of crazy to go to the balcony, looking at the aunt’s hand-holding you step by step, to leave our home. I shouted hysterically: “Daddy, come back -” My mother hand over his mouth: “not allowed to invite his father, he do not deserve!” I bite through the mother’s hands to shout out loud then: “Dad , To come back - “then I have only one idea: to call you back. Mother’s hand finally falls on my face, sent a clear sound, I saw my mother, silent tears in her face with vertical and horizontal.
Since then, I hate you, swear that we will never forgive you.
4
I am not going to worry about, no longer love to laugh, loved are no longer playing with my dolls, my mind all the time you are circling the shadow of your love to take care of you even when you leave the Runescape Gold, I found that Not your day so I am not used to.
I often locked himself does not turn on the lights in the room, over and over again and again miss you, I hate to miss this, I swear I want to hate you, but can not control your miss. I feel really bad one, how can one miss you so bad, in order to punish their own, at my own arm and go on to bite hard.
Mom took me to see a doctor, the doctor said I had autism, my accomplishments plummeted. Mom and I started to say that divorce is not a matter of fact you are a person’s right or wrong, her heart and soul into the work of the neglected family ignored you, you also said that although the divorce, I am still your daughter, your love for me will not change . After listening to this, I sneer, the love will be willing to abandon it?
To see you leave your home after six months. That evening, after school, I Yan Yan to go home, see you sitting in the living room, her mother is on the left side, right side of that is beautiful aunt.
Since you came up to me and said some of the care I miss, I would look through a long, cold open your hands, I would like to end with the ice face to tell you how much I have ignored you. The beautiful aunt came up to me to squat, please: “I know you love your dad, you come to our home, and I would like your parents love you.” I looked at her Young pretty face and smiling face, fingers stretched hard to catch up. I heard her scream, looked at the nail Feng Li flesh and blood, my heart raised a ray of pleasure.
5
The middle school entering the first day I vowed to learn, I want you to know that you discard what is a good daughter.
In that year his mother married a police each other, caring for me, there is additional care. With shiny gradually looked at her mother’s face, my heart gradually calmed down, was grateful to the police, but his mouth still refuses to call his father out. In my mind, you can only be a father, even though you have given me so much damage.
Trauma is the best medicine, very good results and I won the respect of students and teachers prefer. I have you buried in the bottom of my heart turned into a scar as much as possible to let it covered with dust, forgotten in the corner of years.
In this way all the way through the days to come, after graduating from university I went to work in the bank. I thought my life is, I forgot you until the day my mother told me that you are ill, very serious and must do a surgery, but you have a wish, I would like to see. I was standing there, look at the rise of the sun in the sky, the sun stabbed my eyes, I have a liquid blurring of the line of sight.
6
I see you again when Dai Zhu, the bed, you do not thin the human form, how old it was the gray hair. I stretched out in front of your hands dry cried out: “Baby.”
All in all this sound familiar with the collapse of the call, the only way you asked me before I will not have a 20-year-old girl had. I have always thought that I hate you, but do not know, hate is still behind love ah, I have my head buried deep in your chest, Chung any warmth all over my body. I cried a woman crying for you: “how do you love him? How can you let him into this … …” cried a woman, her tears over the young no longer has the residual scratch my face.
You have been promoting the operating room when I tell you: “Dad, you have to get better, you should owe me for so many years of compensation for my father.” You say: “All right, baby.’s Will be.”
That’s my life’s most long 4 hours, I stared at Biaozhen-year degrees, such as. I have thought many times if you have not the case, but he did not know really have to face when you lose heart would be like this. Tears, I repeated a prayer: “I would rather you betrayed me, I would rather you hurt me, you are healthy and happy as long as I live.”
The operating room doors finally opened, the doctor held the hands of a few eggs the size of Liu Zi said: “Fortunately, no proliferation.”
I saw the sky dark clouds dispersed. Fortunately, you have made mistakes of the bad father, I still have a chance to punish you, to - love you.
